


OMG, We, Like, Literally Switched Bodies!

by zatniktel



Category: Kamisama Hajimemashita | Kamisama Kiss, ノラガミ | Noragami
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Body Swap, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cartoon Physics, Crack, Crazy situations, F/M, Freaky Friday - Freeform, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, LITERALLY, Sarcasm, Similes, Tsunderes, bad similies, body switch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 05:32:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11730507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zatniktel/pseuds/zatniktel
Summary: A weird new god shows up, Nanami and Hiyori switch bodies, and Tomoe can't walk, and more dumb stuff happens.





	OMG, We, Like, Literally Switched Bodies!

A sharp crack of thunder awoke Nanami from a pleasant dream where she was a lilypad eating a hamburger. Getting dressed, she hurried outside to where Tomoe was sweeping the front steps of the shrine. However, absorbed as she was with the oncoming storm, Nanmi did not notice the grimace that stretched across his face like a zipper gaping over a potbelly, or the careful, mincing steps he took.  
Nanami stared worriedly at the boiling sky and blinked her ramekin-sized eyes. "I've never seen a storm that looks this bad. I wonder what could be causing it."  
"The arrangement of the planets, perhaps," Tomoe said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "The fevered prayers of rabid fangirls, the breaking of the fourth wall...maybe the god on Mount Kurama farted. How should I know?"  
Letting out a "heh-heh" sort of laugh, the kind you do when someone hurts your feelings but you don't know whether to cry or tell them off, Nanami decided to avoid him for the rest of the day.

As Nanami sat down to eat the breakfast that Tomoe had left her, Onikiri and Kotetsu bounced around her, jabbering about some interesting new flowers they had found near the shrine.  
"Lady Nanami, is everything all right? You seem unusually quiet today," Kotetsu noted.  
"I feel kinda funny," Nanami muttered, putting her pint-sized hand to her gallon-sized head.  
"Lady Nanami, you look flushed," said Onikiri.  
Usually Tomoe was around when this happened, but since he was still outside, Nanami decided something must be wrong with her. It was her last thought before she collapsed--not face first into her food though; that would be extremely gross and unromantic.  
"LADY NANAMI!!" cried the horrified shrine spirits.

In some other city in Japan, Hiyori sat down to eat her breakfast. Yato and Yukine surrounded her, both trying to talk over each other before descending into a petty argument--"No, YOU'RE a buttface!"--while Kofku and Daikoku looked on, Kofuku smiling and Daikoku shaking his head in disgust. Therefore, when Hiyori collapsed, face-first into her food, everyone was taken by surprise. When she didn't suddenly appear next to her body with a tail, though, they were taken even more by surprise.

Usually when Hiyori left her body, there was a quick rush of heat and a stabbing of little pinpricks all over her body--like that time when Yato accidentally pushed her into a cactus--and then she was standing over her snoozing, drooling body. Not this time, though. Everything was black. _Am I dead? Have I left my body for the last time?_ She felt like she was drowning in cotton, wrapped in a warm, soft blanket of darkness. The blanket was calling out--"Nanami, Nanami, are you all right? Nanami, speak to me!"  
"Lady Nanami, Lady Nanami!" chorused two higher voices.  
Hiyori opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was that they were much bigger than her usual eyes--the depth of field was much smaller. The second thing she noticed was that she was cradled in the arms of an extremely worried man with white hair and pointy fox ears. 

Nanami felt like she was at the bottom of a dry well, ensconced deep in a pit far away from the light. Slowly, she bobbed upward like a reverse Alice in Wonderland. Voices surrounding her, echoing at first, gradually began to sharpen and come into focus.  
Someone scrubbed her face. She tasted soy sauce and someone's finger.  
"HIYORI!! HIYORI!!" screamed someone.  
"Hiyori, don't die!" Someone else shook her roughly.  
Nanami squirmed, pushing away the hands.  
"She's alive," gasped the first person. "Or maybe she has rigor mortis and those are the gases exiting her body--" He was cut off by a smack.  
Nanami rubbed her eyes and sat up, pushing a few rice grains out of her eyelashes.  
"Hiyori, are you OK?" inquired a pink-haired girl, putting her hand on Nanami's shoulder. A tall guy behind the girl looked both confused and disgusted.  
"Hiyori, I'm so glad you're alive," sniffed a purple-haired guy in a tracksuit. He hugged her legs.  
A younger blonde-haired guy (the one who had been shaking her) gave him a look of disgust. "Shut up, Yato."  
"Umm..." said Nanami. "Who's Hiyori?"

"Who's Hiyori..." Yato repeated slowly. Then he burst out laughing. "Ha, ha, ha. Who's Hiyori. That's a good one. You had me there for a minute."  
What's going on? thought Nanami. Am I dreaming? She looked down at her lap. "These aren't mine," she muttered, lifting her hands up.  
"...Hiyori?" said Yato. He had stopped laughing. Everyone was looking at her with worried eyes.  
"Um, my name is Nanami, not Hiyori," Nanami explained. "Who are you and what happened?"

"Nanami? Nanami Mimozino? The new land god at the Mikage shrine?" inquired the pink-haired girl excitedly.  
"Yes..."  
"Land god?" said the blonde guy and Yato together, swinging their heads back and forth between Nanami and the girl.  
"But how did you get into Hiyori's body?" the girl wondered, sticking her head down to look straight into  
Nanami's eyes. She smiled brightly, so much that her eyes turned into half-circles. "I'm Kofuku, by the way. This is Yato, Yukine, and my regalia, Daikoku."  
"Uh, hi," said Nanami with a panicked giggle.  
Yato backed up, seemingly embarrassed that he had blubbered all over a stranger.  
"Well, I did pass out right before I woke up here," Nanami said. "Maybe I somehow slipped into this body? I really don't know much about this god and supernatural stuff yet." She gave a self-deprecating laugh.  
"That might be it," said Daikoku. "Ever since WW Dekimasen showed up, things around here have been screwy."  
"Who's that?" said Yato.  
Daikoku sighed and folded his arms, ready to slap some schooling onto the purple-haired brat. "A trickster god. He likes messing with people and putting them in ridiculous situations. Bishamon has been having a lot of trouble with him lately because he keeps bothering her regalia." Daikoku's face darkened as if he was recalling an encounter with said god. Or maybe because a cloud had passed over the sun.  
Nanami sighed. "I really should get back to the shrine. Tomoe will be freaking out once he finds out I'm gone."  
"Do you think Hiyori would be at the Mikage shrine in Nanami's body?" Yukine asked.  
"There's only one way to find out!" Yato sprang up and pointed a finger to the sky--well, the roof, since they were inside Kofuku's house--dramatically. "Yukine, you and I are going to the Mikage shrine on a quest to find Hiyori!"

Tomoe sat on the front steps of the Mikage shrine, his back ramrod-straight, glaring at the path as if he expected it to sit up and slap him. _What does she mean she isn't Nanami? Who is this imposter in her body? What happened to Nanami? Is she all right? Is this some kind of joke?_ He tried to collect his thoughts, but they slipped out of his mental hands like greased pigs, climbed up mental trees like cats, and blew raspberries at him like mental younger siblings. Mizuki slithered up behind Tomoe, crouched beside him, and glared at the path too. He didn't try to collect his thoughts, though; probably because he didn't have any.

Yato and Yukine chose that moment to stroll under the arch and up to the shrine on the path that Tomoe and Mizuki were roasting with their fierce colored anime gazes.  
"We're closed," Tomoe snapped at Yato and Yukine.  
Yukine grinned. "You can see me?"  
"Of course I can see you," Tomoe snapped, narrowing his purple grape cough syrup eyes. "I'm not some love-blinded fool."  
Mizuki snorted so hard a glob of snot flew three feet and splattered onto a post.  
No one noticed.  
Glares were exchanged all around.  
Yato frowned at Tomoe's non sequitur. "So...is there someone named Hiyori here? I--" He was cut off by Nanami--well, Nanami's body with Hiyori inside it--throwing herself against him and squeezing his neck. "Yato, I'm so glad you found me!"  
Mizuki cringed at Tomoe's expression; there was practically steam coming out of the kitsune's ears as he watched Nanami--well, Hiyori--throw herself on another man.  
Well, there WAS steam coming out of his ears, but because of Toon Physics, not because Tomoe was boiling from the inside out.


End file.
